The priest presented a philosophy I instantly embraced. He talked of being single as a calling, not as a bad joke or a lack on my part. Being single can provide opportunities and freedom of choices and time that enriches life.
Being there
I reflected on the friends, family and heroes I've met who were or are single. I don't believe they would have had the same impact had they been married.
In family stories about the homestead and my great-grandparents' struggle for survival, my great-uncle is a frequent fixture. Throughout his life, this great-uncle supported his sister, my great-grandmother and our family. The only anecdote that focused entirely on him concerned the question about why he never married. His answer reportedly went, "No one asked me."
Role models
One of my life's heroes was a woman who worked weekdays as a bookkeeper. She also managed the apartment building she lived in and regularly rented a room in her unit to University of Washington students, the offspring of friends of friends.
In addition to a few dozen nieces and nephews, plus myself, she acted as a port in the storm to many young people.
At 72 years old, she studied massage therapy and earned her license. When I asked why, still working full-time as a bookkeeper, she felt the need to work weekends and weeknights as a masseuse, she said she did it "to keep my fingers nimble."
She'd never married, and I never asked why. For one thing, I saw her as an incredibly cultured woman willing to be patient and generous with her time with me, a mere child - not as a luckless spinster. For another thing, the question felt like kicking a gift horse in the mouth.
Blessings in deep disguise
Today, I have many single friends who may bemoan their single status but won't interrupt their lives to do anything about it.
When confronted by a one-time date with demands for money to abort her unexpected pregnancy, one friend begged that she carry to term and let him raise their child. A dozen years later, his teenage daughter is the pride of his life.
He puts his daughter and her welfare first. I know he'd like to meet someone, but he won't compromise his priorities, and they get in the way.
While a calling to the single life may mean more time available for acts of human kindness - think Mother Theresa - it isn't always be about selflessness.
Another layer
For me, summertime means fairs. Every year I take a day off from my life to go to a fair with my niece and nephew. We share food (all deep-fried, slathered in butter and split three ways) and activities - spin me, shake me and speed me along.
Giving up a day would be possible were I married, but it would take another layer of planning and consideration.
The priest spoke of his gratitude for his calling to the priesthood and the single life. Having listened and counseled thousands of married couples over his long career, he valued the hard work married folk do to stay married - and insisted he couldn't do it.
Being single, especially single-parenting, ain't no cake walk either, but it helps to see that I'm not single because I'm not enough.
Also, being single gives me time to add layers to my life - of help, of additional responsibilities and, sometimes, of days of Fisher scones and the Scrambler.
Sofia lives in Seattle. She can be reached at editor@capitolhilltimes.com.[[In-content Ad]]