My father is spinning in his grave.
My sister is in shock.
I am shattered.
According to the Wall Street Journal, crossword puzzles do nothing to keep those brain cells alive. A study the Journal reviewed stated that we start losing those cells at the ripe old age of 30 and continue to lose them bit by bit until we depart this mortal sphere.
Of course, we know that is ridiculous. We have been admonished before: Use it or lose it.
We have read tomes, learned to play piano at the age of 80, taken tours to exotic places and tried to learn Spanish. We've gone to the opera and bought season tickets to plays, lectures and the symphony to keep those little brain cells alert and improving.
Alas, to no avail.
* * *
I concede that the research has been thorough; 2,832 people are in the ongoing study, which has been going on since 1998. But have they studied the right people? I know I wasn't asked my opinion, and there must be several million others who have not been asked how their memories work.
So far, the results of the study indicate that we all begin to lose brain cells shortly after 30, but some more than others. The conclusion the researchers have reached is that some people are mentally very active all their lives so that their memory loss is far above the median that they will be able to remember where they put their glasses or left the keys much longer than the couch potatoes among us.
Still, diminish those heartless cells do.
* * *
But, surely, the statistics don't apply to crossword puzzles. They're an international institution. They improve your vocabulary, make you think, help you learn a foreign language. They're what you do in the morning or when you wait for the doctor or when you're feeling particularly dull.
Depending on your mood, you can do the Monday puzzle in the P-I, the easiest one of the week, or Will Shortz's New York Times puzzle that takes hours and sometimes days.
If you are a glutton for punishment, you can challenge yourself by not using a dictionary. But why would you, when dictionaries of all sorts, as well as a thesaurus, are so handy? As a matter of fact, you could devote more than one shelf in your bookcase to books written to aid and abet crossword addicts.
Crossword puzzles, for many folks, are as important as the first cup of coffee. After the coffee, and before anything else, the daily puzzle must be tended to. You sharpen your pencil and settle into your favorite chair, take a look at 1 across and the troubles of the world vanish as you puzzle over "Who is buried in Grant's tomb?"
What will crossword devotees do now? They can no longer justify their spending the better part of their morning, two or three hours at least, trying to fill all those spaces. Their excuse for buying three crossword-puzzle magazines instead of one, in case their flight is delayed, is endearing but a mite eccentric.
And devoting three hours each day to doing the puzzles "because it's good exercise for my brain" no longer carries any weight at all. Our leading rationale for doing crosswords has disappeared.
* * *
But wait. I do believe that brain power was the reason the world would accept for such an obvious waste of time. With brain salvation defamed, can't you hear the voices?
"You could be weeding or dusting or working or mowing the lawn or some other productive activity, instead of sitting in that chair and making up words."
Why, I reply, simply because we enjoy it. How seldom we can say that nowadays.
Roberta Cole can be reached via e-mail at editor@capitolhilltimes.com.
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