Gifts every mother wants

You have about a month left to empty your bank accounts, overdraw your credit cards, push through the crowds and generally get into the holiday spirit of things.

Consumer Reports magazine says that you have roughly 55 million new choices of gadgets to choose from this holiday season. Here are some we'd like to purchase.

GPS Tracking Unit for Teenagers

Simply wait until your teen has passed out from too much Halo on Xbox or pizza consumption, and follow insertion directions on the packaging.

This tiny base unit gives you the exact location of your child 24/7. Upgrade now to the full service plan, which includes auditory, as well as visual, monitoring.

Add bonus zapping, which allows you to deliver a small electrical shock to your teenager should you see them reaching for adult beverages or cruising questionable websites.

May also be used on errant spouses.

Relative Proximity Alarm

This handy, little device will emit an ear-piercing screech when your relatives are near.

Upgrade to the Deluxe system, and it will warn you verbally while simultaneously locking your doors, turning off your lights and closing your blinds.

Can be adjusted to detect annoying neighbors as well.

Super Deluxe package delivers a slight electric shock when annoying relative touches your doorbell.

Cone of Silence

This little device comes in handy when you have children around and you don't want them to hear what you're saying. Or if they're being particularly loud, use it over them and instant silence!

Take it to work and block out all your annoying co-workers in the cubicles next to you.

Not recommended for use on idiots who pull up next to you in your car with their bass set on Loud Enough to Cause Internal Damage. Although fun to watch, the resulting mess will lower the resale value of your vehicle.

So go shopping! Find the gadgets that will impress and/or creep out family and friends. Remember, only 31 more days to shop!

Freelance columnist Pamela Troeppl Kinnaird can be reached at needitor@

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